Monthly Archives: February 2012

Three on, One off

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Civillian Military Combine, anyone?

I had a dream last night about the Civillian Military Combine. It was a little nuts, involved the ocean, submerged houses, piles of sneakers, the Wet Bandits from Home Alone, and Morgan Spurlock. I have a friend who really loves dream analysis and I imagine he would say that this dream meant something like I was drowning under the pressure to train, or felt exposed and alone doing something new. I dunno. I mostly think dream analysis is a little bullshit. I’ve been training and competing at things for years. Why can’t I spend one little day trying to run up a mountain?

Well, I did pay $100 to register for this CMC thing, along with the Crossfit Open and a Throwdown in June. I’d like to register for the Spartan Race, but I’m afraid my knees or my overweight body will betray me. I’m not afraid of working hard, I’m just afraid of finding out that I have a body that won’t let me work as hard or harder than everyone else. That was kind of the case yesterday when, despite my best efforts, I couldn’t get three consecutive pull-ups in on my regular pull-up band – a band I can usually bang out 5 on. In my after-WOD shower, I was thinking about my crappy-ass performance and realized something: I don’t remember the last day I took off from Crossfit.

Now, while it is a little bit inexcusable that I don’t track simple things like training and recovery days, especially when I’m terrified of my body failing my mind in the spring, there are very good reasons for this. The primary one is that, in December, my relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry, buy a house and have kids with kind of totally broke. This is a little bit funny because if you asked me six years ago, or even three, if I wanted to get married, buy a house or have children, I would have told you to buzz off. But, it turns out, even girls like me can be converted. So, this break was a bit of a blow.

As the confusion, frustration and total apathy of my living situation increased, my enthusiasm for Crossfit increased proportionally. No-one at my box knew much about me, and I felt a whole lot like Jen when I was there. As opposed to a confused, frustrated and somewhat apathetic girlfriend – which is not really how I saw or see myself.

This all came to a head this weekend when we decided that we would end a weird period of platonic co-habitation, that I would get the apartment, and that he would move out. It was at that time that I hugged him, went upstairs, put on my gym clothes, walked to CFN and did 7 minutes of burpees. HARD. I’d already lost count of my days “on” at this point.

Me, post-burpees. This is a metaphor for something.

That brings us to three on, one off. Crossfit prescribes that an athlete trains for three consecutive days and “rests” for one (and by rest, they mean play tennis, go for a hike, run a 5k at a gentle pace, go indoor rock climbing, whitewater kayaking, bare-knuckle boxing, rappelling the Empire State Building…you know, easy stuff). My rest days usually look a little more like me, on the couch, watching King of the Hill, answering tech support tickets and eating coconut milk out of a can. I guess this is fine for now because I was in such shitty shape in October, even me sitting on the couch after three days of working out leads to comparatively ridiculous gains in strength and endurance. But I digress.

As far as I can tell from the Crossfit discussion forums, this prescription isn’t necessarily based in any sort of science – more based in anecdotal proof from the folks who make Crossfit Crossfit. I’m OK with that. They’ve watched a lot more athletes train and recover than I have, and have probably played with a lot of recovery programs. I’ve been sticking to this blindly as much as possible since January. That is, until the last two weeks, when I’ve unconsciously/consciously tried so hard to be out of my apartment doing positive things and being a positive person that I forgot to take a damned rest day. So, that’s what I’m doing today. ? Days on, 1 day off.

There’s a reason I’m being unusually forthcoming in this post: recovery is key to running up mountains and growing up. I’ll bang out 5-10 pullups on my band again (or even go up a band!), just like I might, at some point, again feel like a relationship, or even a house and kids. For today, though, the couch is awfully comfortable, the rain outside sounds awfully nice, and the coconut milk can is waiting, open, in the fridge.

Adventures in Fauxnuts

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Unfortunately for you, I was a whole huge drama queen about making paleo donuts, and so you’ll have to scroll through all my rantings and ravings before you get to the technical details that most people actually care about.

All of this started because of my enthusiasm for the gypsy donut shop & espresso bar that will be opening in Nyack soon. Yes, we Nyackers have Art Cafe (my long-time favorite latte vendor) and Didier Dumas (oh. my. god. pasteries. andsomuchbutter!) and even a Starbucks in town, but I’m greedy and I’d like a different awesome coffee shoppe for each day of the week. There’s room for all of them in my heart.

I brought up the donut shop to Coach Matt & Coach Pete last Friday in I-forget-what-context. What ensued is open to interpretation.

As I said, I’ve been a whole huge drama queen about all this, so as I’ve been telling the story of why I wanted to make paleo donuts, it’s become increasingly dramatic until my most recent iteration went something like this:

What probably actually happened:

It’s up to you to decide which version you believe, but either way, I saw this as a challenge. Matt can’t eat donuts either due to diet or secret Incredible-Hulk-level rage issues and I was determined to help him overcome. Even if he had no idea that he needed or wanted helping. I’m good/intrusive like that.

So, I did some research on teh intarwebs and came up with The Theory of Paleo Donuts (from here-on-out, fauxnuts!) and ran the ingredients by the man himself. I decided I would be baking these fauxnuts instead of deep frying because I’m pretty sure my Bacon Fat Buffalo Wings used up my heart’s grease/deep frying quota for the remainder of eternity. Although I’m sure one could deep fry the following recipe at 400 in Coconut Oil with great success.

“Baking?” You say. Yes, baking. And so, I debated between a mini-donut maker and a donut pan. The donut pan won because I live in an apartment and kitchen storage is at a premium, although the girl at Paleo Spirit gushed non-stop about her donut maker, so if you’re really serious about this donut thing, you may want a single-use appliance. I dunno.

So, without further adieu, the items that aided my borderline-creepy obsession with making my Crossfit Coaches (and my fellow crossfitters, my landlords and my co-workers) paleo fauxnuts. These ingredients will fill two donut pans (12 donuts) with level mold tops (so, they’ll be round on the bottom and flat on the top).

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 cup coconut flour (from Old World Market)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda (I chose this over baking powder because it is, literally, just sodium bicarbonate. Baking Powder had some other stuff in it that I was just too damn lazy to look up)
  • 3/8 teaspoon kosher salt (most recipes called for sea salt, I think because it’s more paleo….but it’s what I had)
  • 6 eggs (room temperature)
  • 6 tablespoons (3 ounces) honey (I chose Clover Honey from Old World Market because I went through a thing about a year ago where I was obsessed with high-end gourmet honey and I found honey from clover pollen was my favorite type. I’m a nerd.)
  • 6 tablespoons (3 ounces) coconut oil (liquid). I’ll explain this in a second.
  • 1 1/2 cup warm apple cider. LOCAL – from Dr. Davie’s farm in Congers. Purchased at Old World Market. Even though it’s waaaay off-season for apples.

Cinnamon Sugar

  • 2 tablespoons ghee/clarified butter (or coconut oil), melted – for coating cooked donuts. Bought this in the butter section at Old World Market
  • 1/2 cup granulated coconut sugar (again, Old World Market…I bought the Blonde type)
  • 1 tablespoon cinnamon

 

Order of Operations

 

For the batter, I required one small mixing bowl, one medium mixing bowl, two pyrex custard cups (or one that you wash), a food scale (I grew up on Weight Watchers, what do you want?), a hand-whisk, a set of measuring spoons, a 2 c. liquid measuring cup and a 1/4 c. dry measuring cup. The cinnamon/sugar/butter topping required one small mixing bowl and one cereal bowl. I’m advanced like that.

1 1/2 cup coconut flour, 1 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda and 3/8 teaspoon kosher salt in a small mixing bowl

 

Now, we use half a carton of eggs!

The recipe above calls for 6 eggs. This is 4 eggs. Use subtraction or addition as needed to get to the right number. Note that this bowl is different than the dry ingredients bowl.

Then, add the honey to the eggs (the “wet” bowl). I love clover honey, but there is also elderflower honey and alfalfa honey and eucalyptus honey and tupelo honey and sage honey and even something called fireweed honey. That’s for when you want your donuts to have that special little kick

In this case, to maximize the amount of honey that actually makes it into the batter instead of sticking to the measuring spoon, I used my food scale to measure the ounce equivalent of 6 tablespoons into a pyrex custard dish.  This turns out to be 3 ounces. Then poured from the custard dish into the egg mixing bowl.  Below is a picture of a tablespoon of honey since I used the word “tablespoon” in the ingredients list. Be confused.

6 tablespoons (3 ounces) of honey into the egg bowl.

So, whisk that together – the eggs and the honey, that is.

3 ounces of Coconut Oil! It looks like Crisco!

Next, let’s talk about liquid coconut oil. Coconut oil, at room temperature, is not liquid, and, if you’re like me, if a recipe says “coconut oil (liquid)”, you will go to three supermarkets before realizing that what has to happen is you have to heat 3 ounces of solid coconut oil (again, ounces are easier than trying to figure out the tablespoon stuff, especially if you’re like me and you fridged your coconut oil beforehand) in the microwave for about 2 minutes, you will have a clear oil that you can easily pour into the egg/honey concoction you’ve made while you whisk away. Whee!

Microwave 3 ounces (6 tblsp) for 2 minutes and this is waaaay easier to whisk into your egg and honey mixture.

 

Honey, Coconut Oil and Eggs, 2gether 4eva!

Once that’s sufficiently whisked, you dump that whole other bowl of dry stuff in and stir some more. It will become sticky and gross looking. Don’t worry.

BEFORE pouring 1.5 cups of warm Apple Cider in.

AFTER pouring 1.5 cups of warm Apple Cider in

So, now you’ve got a boat load of batter. You should either grease a cookie sheet or use parchment paper. DO NOT under any circumstance, use ungreased aluminum foil. Things will stick, you will cry.

These were finished on ungreased aluminum foil. You can't see it, but I'm crying behind the lens.

You can either take your hands and fashion it into little mounds and, afterwards, poke holes into the mounds either with your index finger, or with the cap to your seltzer bottle:

Mounds of dough! Yum!

I have an old timey seltzer bottle. The cap made a very good donut hole maker.

Lastly, the donut pan. These are a little bit awesome and make one side of your donuts look PROFESSIONAL.  PRO TIP: That’s the side you have face up when you serve it.

The finished donuts look awesome. Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes or until the exposed edges are a little bit brown. Let it cool for a while (trust me, they’ll look a little raw when they’re first out), then turn the pan upside down on a large flat surface like a cutting board.

Melt some ghee in a cereal bowl, throw together the cinnamon & sugar in a mixing bowl. Dip the pretty side of the donuts into the ghee, then into the sugar. Place flat side down on a plate. Marvel at your amazingness.

THE VERDICT: If you’re eating paleo, these are awesome.  Steph says so:

Coach Steph!

My non-paleo friends had mixed reactions to them, the best of which was “Delicick!” (you know, like, delicious, plus ick). These are dense, cakey and not donuts, except for the holes. However, if you’ve been paleo-ing for 35 days and are just about dying for a little bit of sin, these might pass the mustard for your food log while still satisfying that primal urge to eat Entemanns.

And now, I never want to say or hear the word donut. Ever again.

Tracking! Part II – WODClub

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I both understand and mis-understand WODClub.com. And not just because they’re THE THE member management solution for CrossFit Gyms (does that make it superior to or more official than THE member management solution?).

I included it in my considerations for tracking because the super-great coaches down at Crossfit Nyack are all tracking their workouts on it – they even pimped it a little on a blog/WOD post one day.

Where Fitocracy very specifically tracks individual exercises (Jump rope, box jumps, wall balls), WODClub tracks entire WODs and asks for little detail beyond that (although you’re welcome to free-associate in the Notes field), unless it’s one of the girls. As an individual who is not running a box, or part of a box that manages members thought wodclub.com, I was really not all that impressed, to be honest. I think where WODClub’s real strengths lie in marketing itself as a CMS to Crossfit affiliates who are in need of an integrated CMS/Blogging/Workout Tracking/Membership Tracking solution. Now, I’ve worked in IT for more than 10 years and I’ve rarely seen a product that promises to cover such a diverse set of features and excels at any one task – it wants to be a fitness diary, member billing, blog and pamphlet website all at once, as far as I can tell. I can’t say anything about the memberbilling, the blog or the pamphlet capabilities of the software, but as someone who, apparently, is mildly obsessive when it comes to tracking things like food an exercise, the tracking just doesn’t cut the mustard unless I’m exclusively doing the workouts Rxed by WodClub.com or official crossfit workouts.

Given, WodClub *is* free and it’s the only solution folks at my gym are using, so there is a positive community aspect there, however, I also found the interface confusing – which is somewhat rare for me – and I kept looking for features that I’m beginning to think just aren’t there. I would hope that if my box opted to use their premium box management features that they could publish workouts on my WODs calendar alongside the main website’s so I could quickly track my WODs and compare, in a standardized way, with the other members of my gym. While that would be great, it would also leave me a bit lacking in tracking non-standard workouts – like, say, when I opt not to WOD and instead go for a run, go skiing, go biking, go swimming, or go do many of the other things I do occasionally where metrics are important to me. How many MPH did I average on that particular ride this week and last week? How many pool lengths did I get in during my 45 minute swim? Was I using fins?

While I think this is a great website to track the particulars of CrossFit as a sport, it’s not as great as a general workout tracking tool.

Spaghetti Squash!

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Let’s be clear on one thing before we start this: spaghetti squash does not taste like spaghetti, nor does it quite have the mouthfeel.

Cut, then Microwave. 8 Minutes did the job on this baby.

That being said, It’s no reason why any person, paleo or not, should be avoiding it. It’s yummy, and I’m happy that my strangeish diet plan has introduced me to it.

Least attractive picture of me ever. However, it was very important I spoon out the seeds.

Bunches of paleo forums and cooking sites suggested trying this in place of spaghetti, and one night, when I had a yearning for lasagne, I thought I’d give it a try.  After a bit of searching, I found this page to be most helpful for the basic cooking of spaghetti squash. I chose the cut-and-microwave method, which turned out really well. Cut in half, stick in the microwave for 8 minutes, let it cool and then spoon out the seeds!  You’re now ready to make “spaghetti”

Use a fork to scrape out the strands of squash. This is pretty fun and looks pretty cool as you do it. Just don't burn your fingers!

 

It actually looks pretty convincing!

Of course, eating spaghetti squash alone or with a little CLARIFIED butter would probably be pretty good. However, I’ve decided to go all the way. Meatballs and sauce, it is!

Meatballs made with egg, rosemary, a clove of garlic, 90/10 ground beef, pepper and Lawry's

Sauce made from our leftover crushed tomatoes from our shrimp tacos - plus onions, garlic, salt, pepper and a smidge of red wine.

When it was all put together, we had something that looked pretty convincingly like spaghetti and meatballs in sauce. The big question was, what would it taste like?

Looks like it!

The Verdict: So, this tasted a little bit like a nice italian red sauce and meatballs on squash. The experience was enjoyable and somewhat like eating spaghetti – and the red sauce went really well with the vegetable-matter squash flavor that the spaghetti squash had.  Maybe I was doing it wrong to achieve a spaghetti substitute, but it was pretty darn tasty as it was and I’ll be definitely making this again.

Progress (someone has to make it)

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I’ll be honest – although it’s probably pretty evident – that I’m still not quite sure what I’m doing with this blog thing, except organizing myself a little. The other night, Coach Pete asked me why I started doing this – this, meaning CrossFit, as opposed to just joining another gym. But it’s a bigger question for me.

It’s been…well, let’s check my e-mail….It’s been 104 days (according to Wolfram Alpha) since I ran a brand-new personal slowness record of a 12 minute mile (thanks, RunKeeper…) and proceeded from the end of my regular running trail straight into Nyack Fitness and gasped like a crazy person at Coach Matt about scheduling an on-ramp. Since then, I’ve finished my last required graduate class with an A and lost 10 of the 30 pounds I’ve found on myself since moving to Nyack. I’ve also officially put off my thesis until the fall – we’ll call this a wellness semester. I needed saving, it was sorely needed, and I couldn’t have done this myself. That’s the big stuff. Here are the little things I’m even more proud of:

  • Going up two pull-up bands
  • Increasing my deadlift
  • Staying paleo for almost all of the days in January. Will continue on into February save for a beer and nacho binge yesterday.
  • Being able to lift down heavy cable boxes from above my head at work (yeah…I wasn’t so good at that before…)
  • Running a 9:30 mile on this past Saturday. Nowhere near my best, but so much improvement!
  • Writing something. Creative-ish. (hint: that’s a big one, no matter how untidy this thing is)
  • Expanding my position at work from databases and administrative computing to networking as well (this is thanks to the wellness semester, trust me)

It’s been kind of hard – I’ve had two minor injuries (one very unattractive swollen knee now very much better and, now, a really strange feeling in my lower back that I’ll be seeing my GP about this week), a lot of missed Lattes and even more missed cheese. I’ve thrown up, been unable to reach my spice rack, and made myself figure out how to make even my comfort food paleo when I was probably a bit too sick to be puttering around with cans of coconut milk. I had to give up heels for a week and I fell in love with one very sad looking bag of edamame (now disposed). A marathon stick, an ice pack, a heating pad and a foam roller have become my sometimes nighttime companions and I’ve watched a lot of Downton Abbey doing downward dog. I’ve also spent a lot of time in the systems room at work, on the floor, while my ever-loving, ever-tolerant, ever-amazing co-workers watched me try to stretch the ever increasing numbers of muscles I didn’t know I had.

However, all that is small stuff. I signed up for my first Crossfit thing – competition? I dunno. And I’m excited about it. It’s in June. I’m trying to decide if I should wear a pair of my fencing socks or buy new ones. It makes me think about cold mornings in front of the Drew Forum waiting for Coach to drive up in the 12 passenger van so we could travel to a meet. All of that anticipation, the ritual of suiting up, weight checks, salutes and buzzing. None of that will be at the Crossfit thing, but I’m enjoying the anticipation of something new along with comfortable memories of things that are old.

Now, I’m going to rest myself this week so I’m ready for a weekend of really great skiing – made possible by the last 104 days.

The three coaches at Crossfit Nyack are pretty awesome, as are all the folks I’ve met and sweated with there – a really, thoroughly, totally bitchin’ group of individuals who’ve made me re-appreciate both the town I live in and the general act of maintaining physical fitness. Thanks, guys.

Shrimp Tacos! Or: Cabbage, tomatos and other stuffs

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The most ridiculous thing I ever did to see a concert was, on a Friday afternoon in November at 5PM, leave work in New York City, fly to Phoenix, AZ from Laguardia, rent a car, sleep in a Motel 6 with 5 other people, get up Saturday morning, drive 7 hours over the border to Puerto Penasco, Mexico (with only mariachi music available on the radio), play in the warm water of the Sea of Cortez, check into another hotel room, eat shrimp tacos, Watch a concert in the rain, go to bed, wake up, eat shrimp tacos, drive the 7 hours back to Phoenix, get on a plane and fly something close to a red-eye back to New York City. I was back at work at 7:45 AM on Monday morning.

I can barely contain myself when I see these ingredients together.

Needless to say, shrimp tacos are something really special for me because they are, perhaps, the most vivid things I remember from that trip. They were barbecued shrimp in corn tortillas, fresh pico de gallo and shredded cabbage. I can taste them now. Goddamn, this is the food of gods. Given, the flavors of shrimp, tomato, corn and cabbage trigger memories in me that other folks don’t have, but when I’ve made my pales-in-comparison version for other folks, they agree – it’s  universally pretty damn good (even though they’re not being consumed by the Sea of Cortez).

Oil twice around the pan, Rachael Ray style.

Sadly, corn tortillas are presently a no-no for me, but I still want to hit those flavors, beacuse I’m not sure I want to live in a world where I can’t eat some variation on one of my favorite dishes.  This is where we get creative.  Cabbage.

Sautee Shrimp, a chopped clove of garlic, half a red onion, salt, pepper and half-whole can of crushed tomatoes

Now, I don’t remember where I first hit on the idea of using cabbage as sandwich construction material, but it has stuck with me and my cooking companion and I thought: rather than substitute, let’s just eliminate and repurpose. And so, I present to you: sauteed shrimp and guac in cabbage leaves!

Place on crisp cabbage leaf, top with guac and maybe even a pickled jalapeno or two.

Hint: Forget Ina Garten’s Brussel Sprouts. I could eat THESE like french fries. Goddamn. Probably one of the best meals I’ve made in a while. Margarita, please!

So Give Me Coffee & TV

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This is a glass of Merlot. In the background is a glass of Guiness and a jar of water.

I made this picture big on purpose, because this is the elephant in the proverbial diet room.

Before I start, I really want to preface this with a little personal background. You’re welcome to skip this part if you just want the nuts and bolts.

<BLAH BLAH>For reasons that I would never begin to know how to replicate if I were to rear my own children (would I even want to replicate this??), disinterest in alcohol was constant for me straight through high school, college and years beyond. My friends in high school were generally straight-laced, studious and hard-working and alcohol was not a part of my high school experience. I thought of myself as an artist, an athlete and a bit of a health nut, so it just wasn’t part of the identity I was creating for myself.

In college, I had a wonderful, amazing roommate who would not touch alcohol or any other substance – even, eventually, at her own wedding. She remained my closest friend straight through college and had a big influence on my day-to-day life at Drew.  My first-hand introduction to excesses of alcohol consumption at the collegiate level was limited a brief study-abroad stint in the beautiful Republic of South Africa and Homesickness. I immediately recovered from this slight binge upon my re-entry to the United States.

My general philsophy was that as an athlete, alcohol was bad for my performance; as a female, it was bad for my sense of control; as a rabid music fan, it detracted from the shows I attended; as a writer, it was bad for my creativity and focus; and as a burgeoning foodie, it was bad for my wallet.

Life gets in the way sometimes, though.

In the last few years, I did start drinking socially. I found I have an almost hobby-level appreciation for craft beers and I’ve learned to enjoy a glass or two of red wine with friends. On the flip side though, I’ve been nurturing a writer’s block almost a decade old, I stopped making time for music and I don’t really compete at anything athletic anymore. I’m not going to say that one caused the other.  I teach correlation vs. causation twice a year at Riverdale and this is definitely the former. However, there’s a reason I’ve put them together in this paragraph.

Starting with my entrance into graduate school, I began to drink alone while writing my papers. Then, while reading. Then, starting last July, I found myself drinking almost every night, no matter what it was I was doing, because I thought it was actually making me feel better. I’m not saying I was an alcoholic. I wasn’t. I’m just saying that this is where our discussion of diet and alcohol begins. </BLAH BLAH>

I first became aware of the issues that alcohol presents anyone on a controlled diet when I was probably around 10 and on WeightWatchers. Now, as far as I’m concerned, no 10 year old should ever be on Weight Watchers. If you want to have me rant at you about it sometime, leave a comment letting me know and I’ll buy you a coffee to nurse while I do so. For the time being, let’s all move along.

At the time, WeightWatchers didn’t allow alcohol  (it has begun allowing it since) – In fact, during meetings (EVERYONE had to go to meetings when I was in WeightWatchers, even the 10 year old), there would be whole blocks of time dedicated to how to deal with social functions and alcohol. Given the fact that I was 10, this seemed strange to me – if it’s bad for you and stops you from reaching your goal, why would you still feel the need to have it? <insert your and my inability to clearly and universally answer this question here>

This theme has continued with every programmed eating plan I’ve tried since – alcohol is always an issue, right down to my most recent stint reading Robb Wolf’s wonderfully accessible The Paleo Solution. This guy keeps talking about his freaking Nor Cal Margaritas! And, if we look at my diet reading in July, it’s freaking Tim Ferris and his general prohibition of alcohol except for an Rx of 2x Red Wine every day. What now? SO CONFUSED.

I don’t really have an answer to this – Robb Wolf suggests distilled liquor if you’re going to drink. It seems like most folks on Paleo forums will make occasional allowances for dry wines (dry = less sugar) or hard ciders. Some even brought up Mead, which is honey-based.

Since breaking my mostly-teetotalling streak of childhood to early adulthood and breaking into drinking like an American adult, I’ve found it hard to go back to how it was. Not because of my weird July-October wine binge, but because I’ve realized that the 13 holes I’ve put in my body, the two unrepaired menisucus tears, the bike crashes, the yard sales, the bruises on my arms in my prom pictures (fencing, people! fencing!), the book and tooth I chipped in a mosh pit are all related to Robb Wolf’s NorCal Margaritas. Even though I’ve never met Robb Wolf. In a weird, but really not so weird way, it’s a celebration of life. We can’t be perfect all the time – we occasionally need to trainwreck ourselves, or even just trip ourselves up a little to let loose and really appreciate the relationships we’ve made, the physical health we’ve maintained, or the goals we’ve met (or worked at and missed). It’s silly for me to fear loss of control, to feel holier-than-thou at shows, to think I’m such a great athelte that my performance suffers so much – or to think that writing without a little liquid courage isn’t warranted occasionally.

I’m not drinking as I write this – I haven’t had a drink in weeks. But, I did just finish a good Friday night class with a slight twinge in my lower back and it got me thinking about what it is I’m doing – the thesis, the paleo, the crossfit, the skiing, the job, the relationships, the life.  That’s why Robb Wolf says to go ahead and have a NorCal Margarita. That’s why Tim Ferriss likes his two glasses of Merlot every night. And that’s why I like my sports, my music, my writing – and even, in moderation, my wine and beer. Because they all make life a little more interesting, a little more tolerable, and they make planet earth a more pleasant place to spend 85 years – and isn’t that why we’re doing all this paleo shit in the first place?

So, have a glass when your favorite beer is on tap. If you’re working hard, you deserve it, and life is good.

Bacon Buffalo Wings

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Note: The following post contains cursing. Yep.

In honor of the Super Bowl, I decided to tackle one of my most favorite American foods: Buffalo Wings.

But, before we start, I need you all to know that I’m a purist. Always will be.

Buffalo wings are chicken wings, original Frank’s Red Hot and butter. You can’t say “But…” or “Well…”, because there is simply no argument. In 19fucking64, The fucking Anchor Bar in fucking Buffalo, New York made them with fucking chicken wings, fucking Frank’s and fucking butter. End of fucking story.

Cut up your wings - Separate tips & dispose or keep for stock purposes. Also: Separate drumsticks from wings.

I’ll help you through this, but we won’t be making Buffalo wings because we’ll be missing one key ingredient in the holy triumvarite of Buffalo wing ingredients. Instead, we’ll be making plain ole (paleo) hot wings. As long as we all agree on this point, we can get through this together and make something that is delicious.

Place, with love, one layer deep in your fryer. Fryer should be heated to at around 350.

Your first place to start is a deep fryer. Sure, Alton Brown is like “Hey! Baking Buffalo wings is fun and easy!”, and sure, his recipe is the second hit on the “buffalo wings” Google search. I’ve tried his recipe more than once. It’s pretty damned good, but it’s not Buffalo Wings and baking is NEVER completely a replacement for something that is correctly deep fried. To top this all of, Mark Sisson lays the science behind deep frying out and gives it a stamp of approval, so long as it’s not an everyday thing – this is a sometimes food. We’re trying to get as close as possible to the real thing, so we’re going to proceed with frying.

20 minutes like this should do the trick.

To deep fry these babies you can fill a pot/pan with oil and deep fry that way, but unless this is a real Buffalo Wing emergency (I’ve had those), get a fryer, have a fryer, or borrow your neighbor’s. The pot/pan method can be messy, easy to screw up (unless you get it at JUST the right temp every time), and occasionally dangerous. The fryer will be great for sweet potato fries (upcoming post), and a host of other paleo indulgences. I mean, seriously, have you ever had a deep-fried egg? You have not lived until you have.

Oil

I use Vegetable Oil, which I think is really just corn oil (paleo no-no). Why? I actually don’t make buffalo wings that often, Canola oil smells like fish at high temperatures (true!!), peanut oil is hard to find in large quantities (although BJs in West Nyack does have it in large quantities) and it’s expensive (and is also a paleo no-no). Some paleo folks suggest deep frying with coconut oil, but I have no experience cooking with coconut oil and no time to get up to speed with it before the game, so I’m going to be using what I’m comfortable with, even despite the risks of extra inflammation that comes with vegetable oil.

If we’re doing this right (i.e. cooking at a high enough temperature), there will be very little oil leftover on the wings, so we’ll risk it a little in this category.

Wings

Wings are Paleo/primal because we are basically cutting the wings off the carcass of a bird. If you don’t know that, stop trying to cook paleo, buy or borrow Robb Wolf’s book, and come back here in a week.

Frank’s Red Hot

Frank’s Red Hot is comprised of: Aged Cayenne Red Peppers, Distilled Vinegar, Water, Salt, Natural Flavor and Garlic Powder. I will be using it. Make your own call.

Butter

Ok, let’s talk about butter. I mean, we really already had this conversation, but let’s talk about butter in wing sauce. I’m being as strict paleo/primal as possible, so we can’t use the third ingredient in the holy Buffalo triumvirate. How do we make up for this? We have a few options:

  • Just toss in Frank’s (yawn!)
  • Use Clarified Butter (which is more Paleo-ish, but not Cordain paleo, and, honestly, less tasty in this use)
  • Dip our toes in the shallow end of the Coconut Oil pool with the sauce
  • Bread with almond meal and lots of spices and maybe some stevia to the Frank’s!
  • USE FUCKING BACON FAT

Oh, I’m sorry, I only see one choice up there – I thought I was going to give you five, but I must have gotten distracted by the fact that there will be FUCKING BACON FAT in my delicious, awesome, holy-shit hot wings. Now, we COULD fry in bacon fat (which is what I think the Bridgeview Tavern in Tarrytown does to their ridiculously good hot-wings), but, in a more reasonable and time-sensitive move, we will just be adding our filtered breakfast drippings to our gametime snack’s sauce. Plus, that means I get to have bacon for breakfast. Everyone wins!

Fry up some delicious smoked bacon!

Franks into a small sauce pot on low heat

BACON GREASE (good lord, my mother went wrong somewhere when bringing me up). I used about 1/4 of the drippings from 5 pieces of Smithfield bacon. Taste as you add.

I decided to overcook my bacon, crumble it into tiny pieces, and add it to the sauce.

It was tasty, but a bit watery. Almond meal as a bit of a thickener. Normally, I'd use flour or corn starch. Sigh. Not so much right now.

THE VERDICT: I didn’t take any pictures of the finished wings because the first batch went sour (not literally, I just messed up) and I was bringing the second batch to friends and it was already past halftime when they were done. But my friends seemed to like them – they finished the bowl I served with carrots and celery (no blue cheese – we’ll tackle that another day) I know I freaking LOVED them. I definitely ate a dinners’ worth as I was cooking. Self-high five!

Roasted Brussel Sprouts

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Bear with me here: Brussel Sprouts. In my other posts, I kind of like to link to a bunch of different sites so folks can see my thought process and see the other options, but this Ina Garten recipe is perfect. No other links necessary.

Now, when I found this recipe, dear Ina had a nice little comment on the bottom in which she says “(I like these salty like french fries)” which my strange collection of gray matter cells interpreted as “(I like to eat these like french fries).” Don’t ask, but I was sold.

It wasn’t ’til after I spent an hour in front of the TV eating these babies like popcorn that I realized I’d misread her text – but both are true. Salt them and eat them like french fries (or popcorn). You’ll want to correct anyone who uses the phrase “Brussel sprouts” as a metaphor for disgusting food forever after.

Plain ole Brussel Sprouts

I bought these brussel sprouts from Stop’n'Shop in Nanuet, although I really love buying them at Old World Food Market on 59 – they have them loose in a basket (left-hand side of the produce section, bottom shelf, near the back) and you can pick & choose what you want – and, I think, they ultimately come out cheaper than these little Stop’n'Shop bundles. Seriously. I make these often enough that I’ve thought about all this stuff. This recipe is that good.

You’ll want to remove the dried stalk ends and some of the browning or dirty outer leaves. If they’re large, chop them in half.

Outer Leaves & Dried Stalk End GONE!

Halved!

Once I’ve done that, I usually dump them all in a large, plastic ziploc storage bag. Trust me on this one. A bowl will do, but a bag is better.

I pour extra virgin olive oil, kosher salt & pepper into the bag. Check Ina’s recipe for amounts – I’ve gotten to the point where I can eyeball this recipe, and now I have no idea what amounts I’m using.

Then, I zip the bag closed and shake it to coat all the sprouts in oil, salt and pepper. Mmmmm. Just don’t turn the bag upside down. I did that once and ended up with my floor coated as well.  Oops.

Pour out your oily, salty goods onto a baking sheet and spread them out so they are one layer deep.

Bake at 400 for 35-40 minutes. I usually check on them once or twice and shake the pan to turn the sprouts a little. You’ll want to bake them until they’re a little brown and very soft on the inside. Add more salt if you like – but they’ll be pretty delicious no matter what. Eat them like french fries.

Housekeeping

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Just a few housekeeping notes:

1) Parts II and III of Tracking were delayed due to the Motaba Virus. I will work on them this coming week when I actually have workouts to track.

2) Because I was sick, out of work for four days, and couldn’t do much beyond lump around in my bed, catch up on The Wire and read The TCP/IP Guide, I had a lot of extra time to write and organize pictures. Subsequently, I have a backlog of paleo recipe experiments and other sundry items. These will be scheduled at intervals that won’t make my Facebook friends nuts. However, when I’m not sick, I promise posting frequency will go down. I have a freaking Thesis, after all.

3) I’ve changed the SSO-ish logins for commenting. This broke comments from the old system. I don’t feel like fixing them, but my gift to you is that comments will be better.  Also, to protect the privacy of my Facebook friends, I’ve turned off Facebook post integration. You’re welcome.

4) In the past week, I’ve discovered that everyone, and their respective mothers, uses the WordPress theme that I’m using, which, of course, means that I am now in the market for a new theme. If you have any recommendations for something clean, two column and not too dark, let me know. If you have any way to cure my fear of the status quo, that would also be appreciated, because it only makes more work for me.

5) I will makeup my failed Kelly workout on Sunday. You, dear reader, are welcome to join me.